I was reading (as I do) about mattress related stuff and I came across some forums and even other websites saying that a king size mattress can be bad for a relationship. They say a big bed creates a “dead bedroom.”
A common trend was them saying the space between you and your partner becomes greater the bigger the bed you have. Often they recommend couples sleep on a full size or a smaller mattress.
This is just plain crazy to me.
The size of the mattress does not matter at all. You could both sleep on the ground and have an infinite size bed, but you choose to be close or not. The size of the bed does not keep you away from each other, you as a couple make the choice of being close. And forcing each other close with a smaller bed does not guarantee you’ll be happier.
King Vs Queen
I can’t help to feel that this just boils down to King vs. Queen or King vs. Double – or anything that puts the king bed against sizes.
I see nothing wrong with a couple sharing a king size mattress, in fact, that is what we use, and we’re quite happy.
A king size mattress is a must have for one simple reason – you’re human. Every human is different, and thus we sleep differently. I move around a lot, she doesn’t, and if the bed were any smaller, we would hate each other.
We also make a choice to be close, the bed or any inanimate object does not make that choice. If we want to be near each other, then we get close, and if we don’t, we have the option not to. If we had a smaller bed, then we would only have an option to be close, and if you wanted to get away, you would have to leave the room.
Everyone at times will need to have their space and if the only way you get that is by leaving the bedroom because the bed is not big enough then that is your real issue. But if you had a king size bed you would have the option to stay and be near each other.
What If You’re Tall
One thing these other posters forget to think about is what if one or both couples are tall. A California King is longer than a queen or any other mattress and would be a must for any tall person.
If a tall couple bought the wrong size mattress, I’m sure they’ll hate it more then both cramping to sleep at night on a tiny mattress. Everyone is different, and everyone should buy a mattress that better suits their body and life.
While we’re on the topic of size, what if you’re small or both couples are small? A queen could feel like a king to someone small enough, so the logic of saying everyone should be on a small mattress is not fair to everyone since each mattress feels different to each person.
Cuddling Is Not Fun
Cuddling is not fun… for guys. It’s not because we don’t like it but a face full of your hair is not the sleepy state we want to be in all night long. What couples, besides the ones on TV, actually fall asleep gracefully behind each other all night long.
I consider it lucky if I wake up on the right side of the bed and not 180 degrees the other way – don’t ask me how this happens.
Cuddling is fine, but it’s not sleeping.
You need to have this separation of cuddling and sleeping because TV and Movies have put this idea in your head that it’s normal for couples to fall asleep hugging each other all night long. Then you get upset that it doesn’t happen in real life. If life were like the movies, then we all would be rich with 6-pack abs.
If you have dogs or cats they like to join you in bed too. If the bed you have is barely big enough for you two to sleep on then why do you expect it to get better when the dog or cats join you. This is often overlooked by so many people, if you have pets that like to sleep with you then get a big enough bed for everyone. The pets are a part of the relationship too!
Since we’re on the topic of pets, why is it the smaller the dog, the more space they take up in the bed? I had to get a king size mattress so the dachshund would have enough room to sleep.
If you’re worried about pet hair, I do have a guide on pet hair resistant bedding here.
No one talks about it, but it does happen. Maybe a partner is on a new medication or some other medical reason they start to sweat when they sleep. If you have a small bed, you both will be sleeping in this pool of sweat.
A large bed lowers the sweaty problem for at least one of you. The other might need something like a BedJet to help keep you cool at night.
Let’s not forget that most people like to be at a different temperature. Some like to sleep cool, and others like to sleep warm. If you have a big enough bed, you could have a heated mattress pad on the side that needs it. The other side could have a BedJet to keep them cool.
If you both are in a tight bed all through the night, then you both will share your body heat. Sharing body heat is nice on those cold winter nights, but what about those hot summer nights? A small bed is not the answer for anywhere that gets warm.
With a big mattress if one of you get the flu or sick at least you’ll have room to spread out away from each other. Something you can’t do on a small bed or may force you to sleep in a different room. If you start to sleep in a different room, the one partner might like it and keep doing it which would make the problem worse.
Note: If you don’t have a mattress protector then you should really consider getting one. A mattress protector can help keep stains like sweat or other liquids from getting to the mattress.
Probably the biggest reason why a couple will choose a smaller bed over the larger ones is due to cost. This is silly nowadays.
Sure you can have a better time finding a double bed for cheaper than a king but are you looking at all your options? If you’re only going to the mattress stores, then you’re doing it all wrong. Mattress stores have a lot of overhead from advertising to having the lights on.
The best option is to buy online; prices can be more affordable as they don’t have the overhead like mattress stores. But not only that you can read real reviews from people who bought it and see what they have to say about it.
Most memory foam mattresses come compressed in a box which makes it easy to move into the bedroom. No need to spend an afternoon trying many mattresses at the mattress store that other people have laid on and then only realize that the bed you laid on at the store feels nothing like the one you got. No salespeople pushing the mattress of the month. Buying online is a way better experience if you ask me.
The Main Takeaway
Is a king size bed bad for relationships? I say no.
The reason and the main takeaway is that a couple chooses to be separate and the bed doesn’t determine this. There are also many reasons why you should get a king size mattress that we talked about above, but to blame a king size mattress for relationships going stale is not the right answer.
The problem could be deeper if you’re having relationship issues and I doubt buying a smaller mattress would fix this or any forceful manner. Counseling would be a better use of your money. Or if the big mattress is such a big issue then get some pillows and block off one side of the mattress so that you both sleep closer.